Suna in Wonderland

Today, my German classmate proudly announced that he has girlfriend. Everyone was happy for him and asked about the girl he is dating. Then one Japanese classmate got curious and asked him.

J: “What did you say to her?”

G: “say what?”

J: “I mean, how did you ask girl to be girlfriend?”

G: “Nothing, it just happened.”

J: “But you don’t say anything?”

G: “No, you just click and it just happened.”

Then there was awkward pause. It was  so clear that they have no idea what they are each talking about. I noticed what’s going on and told them bit of my love story.

When I first dated Joop, after few days I asked him whether what kind of our relationship was. I wanted to be clear if we are just close friend or lovers. But his respond was “I don’t know, we will see.” I interpreted it as ‘he is not confident enough to know whether he likes me –> no willing to have serious relationship’ and thought he is just messing up my mind. Later I figured out there was cultural difference on this matter. A few months later, when I brought this subject up, he told me he just did not know what to answer at that time.

Then what is different?

When Asian and European starts dating together, cultural difference occurs already starting from the beginning or even before. Before start dating or when starting a relationship, Asians usually ask for confirmation/ verbal commitment. Such as:

“Do you want to go out with me?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“We are now boyfriend and girlfriend!”

When person hits age for marriage (Average :women start from 27, men starts from 30) they even say they are dating under consideration of getting marry.

I guess by making verbal commitment, other person would  knows which stage exactly they are or know the intention of the person. (If he/she is just interested in me as a friend or lover?)

On the other hand, European people do not say such things. Rather keep it as flow and natural. They do not say things for commitment but think that  time will tell if they are in relationship or not. So if couple gets along well then eventually both side would know they are in serious relationship.

So if you are about to start dating Asian girl/guy or European girl/guy, be aware that such a thing might happen to you and know in advance what to do.  :)